I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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