My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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