i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am one with the molecules
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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