when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
