How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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