margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
