Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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