I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize