Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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