Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
