Can Purell be used as lube?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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