what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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