Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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