her vagina looked like bernie madoff
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
