he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
