I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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