no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
