well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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