Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
