So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
