As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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