the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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