When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
