This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
