He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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