Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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