hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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