I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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