pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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