I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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