That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
