I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
