Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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