Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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