a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
