I can text with my tongue
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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