I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
