You're so nebulous sometimes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
