I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
