i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Michael Bay diarrhea
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
