My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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