My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize