I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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