I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
