I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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