she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
