He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
