i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
