Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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