when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
