you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
