he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
