Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
