i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
