Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
