Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
