Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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