loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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