I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
