??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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