If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
tell me about the fingering
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