Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
