I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
