Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize