I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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