you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
