He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
