1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
they're like a gay fantastic four
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
