so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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