Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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