We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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