I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Houston, we have a squirter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
