Tell her she can't have a vagina
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
