i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
