I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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