I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
