You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize