also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
