Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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