And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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