he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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