Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You smell like stripper and shame
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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