That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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