You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
