They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
