so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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