guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
