is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
