Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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